


Will You Come Home And Stop This Pain Tonight

by phansuniteinluv



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cute, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22413415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phansuniteinluv/pseuds/phansuniteinluv
Summary: Phil is missing Dan much more than usual as Dan is currently in LA for work.“Like indecision to call youAnd hear your voice of treasonWill you come home and stop this pain tonight”I Miss You - Blink-182
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Will You Come Home And Stop This Pain Tonight

“Bye… I’ll miss you.”

Phil smiled sadly as he gave his boyfriend a soft kiss, not wanting to get too intimate and leave one of them wanting something they couldn’t have.

“I’ll miss you too, Phil. But it’s only for a few days, I’m sure it’ll be fine…”

The boy gave a small smile.

“Ya, I’m sure… Have fun! And don’t forget to text me, please. I love you.”

Phil leaned in and gave Dan one more kiss, now draping his arms around Dan’s back and so close their foreheads were touching.

“Of course. Love you.”

“Love you, Bear.”

“I wish I didn’t have to go alone.”

Phil opened his eyes to see a tear running down Dan’s face.

“Dan, please don’t start this. It’s going to be fine, I promise. I don’t want to cry right now… You- you can call me if you’d like to… or FaceTime.”

The boy laughed as he wiped the tears from his face.

“I- I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s been a long time since I’ve traveled by myself. And I’m going to another country. And I’m going to miss you. I wish we could go to LA together.”

Phil hugged Dan tighter and smiled into his shoulder.

“There’s no use. You’re only going to be there for five days anyway. That’s not even a full week. And it’s for work, so it’s not like we’d be able to see much of each other.”

“I’m sorry I have to go.”

A frown inhabited the younger boy’s face as he gave Phil one last kiss.

“It’s not your fault. And I think you should try and have fun. You deserve a break.”

“But I’ve had a seven-month break! Everybody has been left to wonder where I am and if I’m coming back to YouTube. I hate that people have to deal with that. I feel horrible. I wish I was better at communicating and that there was more I was allowed to tell them.”

Phil sighed, knowing this had been bothering Dan for a while.

“Hey… It’s ok. You’re doing a wonderful job with everything and you shouldn’t worry about communicating with our followers right now. Maybe that will make them happier once you upload something! So just try and look at the bright side of it, ok? I love you, Bear, but you really have to go or you’re going to be late for your flight.”

Dan gave Phil one last hug, seeming to melt into him.

“Don’t call me that right now.”

“Call you what?”

He chuckled at the whininess in Dan’s voice.

“You know what.”

He did know, and he knew that it made Dan one hundred percent more submissive. But it was cute.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Love you.”

Phil smiled and playfully pushed Dan off of him.

“I love you too, but you really need to stop procrastinating getting to the airport or you’re going to be late. I love you and I hope that you have a great time. Text and call me please.”

“Alright… love you.”

He knew he was supposed to be going to the airport right now and not just staring in the doorway at his boyfriend, but he couldn’t help it. His beautiful blue eyes were easy to get lost in. And he was definitely lost in them.

“Dan, you need to go.”

“Oh… right. Ok. Love you.”

“I love you.”

Phil waited until Dan was fully out of his sight to close the door and go back into the apartment. He was already missing Dan and it had just been a few minutes. He didn’t know how he was going to last a full week.

-

Out of pure boredom, Phil made his way into the kitchen and made some coffee. He tried his best to think of some things that he usually did alone, as he and Dan didn’t do _everything_ together, but there really wasn’t much. Phil did, however, talk to Norman a lot, so he made his way to Norman’s tank and gave it a little tap, hoping to get the fish’s attention.

“Hi, Norman.”

Of course, there was no response, but Phil continued speaking anyway.

“Dan’s left me to go for some meetings in LA and now I’m both sad and bored. I always forget how much we do together. Even if it’s just watching a show.”

Norman stared at Phil with a bored look on his face, not caring what he was saying.

“You’re just a fish so of course you’re not going to answer me, but you don’t have to look at me like I’m exhausting you! This is no use, isn’t it? I’m going to find something else to do.”

He didn’t really have much else to do that week though. All that was planned was to film and edit a new video, but that wouldn’t take very long, given the video was a Never Have I Ever game from a phone app.

-

A few hours had gone by, leaving Phil more bored than ever. Usually, he and Dan will eat dinner together, but tonight it was just him. He almost wasn’t even hungry anymore, just wanting to talk to someone. He sighed, not understanding what was wrong, as he was usually just fine alone. Something was just causing him to miss Dan more than usual.

Although it was already a quarter to midnight, and Dan may already be asleep from travel and stress, Phil decided to ring him and see if he was up.

“Phil?”

A groggy sounding Dan picked up the phone. He must’ve been in bed as the room was dim and the boy was covering himself with a white poofy duvet.

“Did I wake you?”

“No. It’s fine. I was just thinking about you. Though I thought you might be sleeping so I decided to try and go to bed myself.”

Phil smiled, wanting nothing more than to kiss Dan.

“Oh, well I’m glad you weren’t sleeping. I’m bored out of my mind and don’t think I could sleep even if I tried. I would film, but then I’d have nothing left to do this week. And then I’d really be bored. I miss you, you know? And it’s only been a few hours. It’s just so lonely here without you.”

A small frown placed itself on Dan’s face, making Phil feel bad for ever bringing it up. And he knew Dan would probably have a hard time sleeping as well. It’s a lot different without the warmth of a lover next to you.

Even when they had to go and stay overnight at their parent’s homes, leaving them separated, they would usually stay up late on FaceTime or Skype until they fell asleep.

“Anyway, how was you’re flight? We haven’t been able to talk much since you got to your hotel room.”

“It went well. I worked on my project a bit. I met a fan at the airport… told her to stay quiet though… not to post the picture until I post about being in LA. I hate having to tell people that. But you know how it is.”

Phil smiled and nodded his head. He’d been there before. Going somewhere but not wanting anyone to know yet.

“I get it. And you shouldn’t feel bad, Dan. It’s our lives. Yes, we put ourselves out there, but we’re also allowed to have boundaries. Whether people decide to respect them or not is on them, but we can at least try.”

“Ya, I suppose… Anyway, are you filming your video tomorrow?”

“Most likely. I don’t have anything else to do. And then maybe I’ll save editing for the next day. That way I won’t be left with absolutely nothing to do except for the last two days.”

Dan gave a small smile.

“Well, that’s good. At least you have a plan.”

Phil agreed. Continuing the conversation and talking for hours. Eventually ending up in bed and asleep, his phone still in his hand from the conversation that was now lost and forgotten.

-

In the morning, Phil awoke to a coldness that he could only describe as an ache of loneliness and silence. Usually first thing in the morning, he would wake up and kiss Dan. Then get fussed at for waking him up. But not today. Not this week. This week was silent. Nobody was there. He knew he could spend time with friends, but that wasn’t something he particularly wanted. Nor did he think he could handle that. 

Instead of going along with his usual morning routine, Phil sat up and breathed. That’s all he did for a good twenty minutes. He breathed and thought about everything from how Dan might be doing to what the weather was going to be like that day. He already missed Dan. 

Even more so when he was trying not to.

Phil: _good morning Bear!_

Phil: _how are you?_

Phil sent a text to Dan, knowing it wouldn’t be seen for a long while, but still wanting him to know he was up.

After waiting another few minutes for a reply he knew wasn’t going to come, Phil finally got out of bed and headed to the kitchen.

He would make the bed later. He was too tired now.

The familiar smell of coffee filled the air as he turned on the coffee pot and grabbed a mug, forgetting to close the cabinet door. He almost grabbed a mug for Dan too, before remembering he wasn’t home. 

Phil sighed and brought his coffee back into their bedroom, sitting back in the bed and aimlessly scrolling through Twitter. He liked a few tweets and then posted one of his own about Norman. Dan had already posted about being in LA so he had the go-ahead to talk about being home alone.

At least that gave him some fans to reply to. That way he could occupy himself and he could make some others happy.

Though many of the comments just ended up being about why Dan was in LA. Which was a bit of a letdown, but not all too bad. It was fun seeing some of the fan theories. Though he couldn’t respond to any of them.

By the end of his Twitter session, he was missing Dan even more than he had before. All he wanted to do was kiss him, but he wasn’t there. Phil didn’t understand why this was so hard for him all of a sudden. Never had he ever been so needy. Of course, he always missed Dan when they were apart, but never this badly.

Phil: _Hey Dan! Just checking up on you again. I’m not even sure if you’re awake or able to talk… but if you see this, I hope you have a wonderful day. I miss you_

He sent another text. Though he hoped it didn’t come across badly. He didn’t want to seem too annoying. 

Dan: _good morning_

Dan: _im up now but i have meetings all day so im not sure i’ll have much time to talk_

Dan: _im sorry :(_

Dan: _love you_

Phil read the text, a small frown forming on his face, but still happy to hear back from his boyfriend.

Phil: _thats alright_

Phil: _ttyl_

Phil: _love you_

He sent a short text in reply before heading out of their bedroom and into the filming room.

He had planned to wait and film until tomorrow, but he was much too bored and was going to drive himself insane if he didn’t do anything soon. So this would at least keep him preoccupied for an hour or so.

“Hey, guys! So over the new year…”

He started the video as he always would, talking about the new year and then getting into the actual content. He was playing Never Have I Ever, so it was a fun way to tell some stories from years ago, and actually be able to include the tidbit of his sexuality into some of them. Especially when the game asked if he had ever doubted his heterosexuality. Before he would’ve had to cut that out, but now he could make it funny.

It took about an hour to film. That included realizing the camera had stopped recording and then having to redo thumbnail poses for ten minutes. He wished he had chosen a longer video. Just so he could have something more to do.

He let out a long sigh, moving to turn off the camera and take the memory card out so he could put it into his computer. 

He stopped in the kitchen on the way to their office, hungry from forgetting to eat breakfast… it was already two in the afternoon. 

His smile turned mischievous as he found Dan’s box of Wheaties and poured some into a bowl. Even when Dan wasn’t there, Phil still stole his cereal. Mostly because he wanted to annoy Dan, even though he wasn’t there. 

Maybe he would send him a picture. Just to get on his nerves.

Phil: _hey dan_

Phil: _this cereal is really good_

With that text, he included a photo of the cereal box next to his box of cereal as well as a winking emoji. That ought to do it.

Dan: _first off_

Dan: _why are you just now eating_

Dan: _and second_

Dan: _STOP EATING MY CEREAL_

Although hearing from Dan made Phil’s chest ache, he was still able to laugh at the response.

Phil: _sorry love_

Phil: _i just forgot…_

Phil: _plus i didnt want to get out of bed this morning_

_-_

Dan didn’t reply for the rest of the night. Phil assumed he was just busy. He had meetings back to back and barely anytime to talk. Plus he was going to be meeting up with friends at some point. That must be it.

Though it was late and Phil had sat in bed for the rest of the day, watching anime and a few YouTube videos. He texted Dan once more, just to let him know he was going to bed and wouldn’t be able to talk later like they had the night before.

Phil: _goodnight dan_

_-_

It was a long and rough night. Phil had woken up almost an hour after he fell asleep initially, and wasn’t able to fall asleep again. He had tried watching a few videos on his phone, scrolling through Twitter, and eventually ended up watching a sad film, ending with him crying.

At this point, he would usually wake up Dan to be comforted by, but that wasn’t possible as Dan wasn’t there and was probably still busy in LA. Instead, he rolled over and buried his face in Dan’s pillow, getting more upset at the empty space there.

He still didn’t understand what was making him so upset about Dan not being there. He’d never gotten this upset before. And now look at him… crying into his pillow and being absolutely pathetic. He hugged the pillow closer, letting bad thoughts play out in his mind. 

The thought of losing Dan forever.

Of Dan breaking up with him.

Of Dan getting hurt.

Of Dan wanting to move out.

Of Dan wanting to leave...

It was a flood of what-ifs. And none of them were positive.

No.

Dan was ok and they had a strong relationship. Nothing could break them apart. They had been together for ten years now. Through thick and thin.

This war waged on in Phil’s head until he finally fell asleep.

-

Phil awoke with red puffy eyes, and tears stained down his cheeks. Everything was blurry, as his eyes were still watery, and his glasses were no use at this point. Not much was happening in Phil’s mind now. The only thoughts he was having at this point was that he was exhausted and was probably going to fall asleep again. Which is exactly what ended up happening. He had tried his best to get up and start his day, but his brain just wasn’t going to let him do that. Instead, he lied in bed until his eyes fluttered closed again, sleep consuming all of his thoughts.

-

It was another long while until Phil woke up again. He still didn’t want to get out of bed, but it was already late afternoon and he wasn’t about to be all depressed and stay in bed all day. 

He reached over and grabbed his phone from the bedside table, checking all of his missed messages from Dan.

Dan: _good morning_

Dan: _how are you_

Dan: _dont forget to eat breakfast_

Dan: _DONT STEAL MY CEREAL THOUGH_

Dan: _phil?_

Dan: _are you up_

Dan: _its almost 2 in the afternoon over there_

Dan: _you never sleep this late_

Dan: _whats wrong???_

Phil sighed and wiped his eyes, quickly typing a response to his worried boyfriend.

Phil: _hi_

Phil: _i just woke up_

Phil: _i guess i just didnt feel very good so i slept in late_

Phil: _im ok though_

Phil: _i miss you_

Luckily it seemed like Dan was near his phone, as he immediately responded.

Dan: _hey im sorry youre not feeling great_

Dan: _i wish i could be there with you_

Dan: _i miss you too_

The two carried out a short text conversation, mostly just talking about how much they missed each other, but being sappy as always. Though it was held short as Dan had to go and meet up with Anthony, but it was fine, as Phil was going to start editing this video. He was hoping to upload it the next day, that way he could try his best to relax for the next few days.

He got up from where he was sitting and walked to the kitchen, turning on the coffee pot and grabbing a bowl for cereal. He got his own this time, noticing there was almost nothing left in Dan’s. Plus he had asked him not to take it, and even though he was joking, he was going to respect that. 

The coffee pot finished and Phil poured himself a cup, laughing because he was using the Daddy mug Dan had gotten him for Valentine’s day one year. It was more of a gag gift, but it would at least make him smile when he thought about Dan and not sad because he missed him. He added his cream and sugar and brought his breakfast back into the office. He had to leave the room again to find the laptop, but once he got back he was able to settle down and start editing. 

Being a YouTuber, you get used to hearing your own voice for hours on end, but that doesn’t mean it’s pleasant. Phil was already getting annoyed of hearing himself after the first thirty minutes of work. Granted, it usually only took him an hour and a half to edit a short video like this, so he’d be able to handle it.

He had to add the phone screen with the game on it, along with cover up a certain question, only leaving it in to laugh at. It was much too inappropriate not to cover though, and he wouldn’t get Adsense if he left it in. (The Adsense was only so important now because Dan and him were saving for a new home, and wanted it to be their forever home. Meaning it would be bigger and would cost more. Plus they wanted to get a dog as soon as possible.) He added a few more edits here and there, made the thumbnail, and then uploaded the video.

He left the room to clean his dishes, then ended up in the living room watching tv. At some point, he also scrolled through Twitter and looked at some fan theories, frowning as he saw the worst of them. He knew he shouldn’t do that, but it was always intriguing. Tumblr was usually a better place to look if he wanted to find any that were even a bit correct, but at this point, Phil was just hungry and needed to eat.

He ended up getting takeout and eating on the couch, watching a few YouTube videos and only cheering up when he got a FaceTime call from Dan. It must’ve only been two in the afternoon in LA since it was ten at night where Phil was.

“Hi, Bear!”

Dan smiled and waved at Phil.

“Hi! I finally have a few minutes to myself, so I wanted to call and check on you! How are you doing?”

Phil wished he could be with Dan. He really wanted to kiss him, and snuggle close to him. Honestly, it felt like his Florida vacation all over again. Having fun alone, but still wishing Dan was with him. He had to blink back tears when they FaceTimed all those years ago, and he was having to do again now. Only this time, Dan actually noticed.

“I’ve been good. How are you?”

The look of concern was clear on Dan’s face as he looked into his screen.

“Wait, Phil are you ok? Why are you crying?”

“I- I’m not.”

The voice crack made it much too obvious.

“Phil… what’s wrong? I wish I could be there with you. I’m sorry I’ve had to be in LA.”

Now he was just feeling guilty. He missed Dan a lot, but he didn’t want him to feel guilty about being in LA.

“No, I’m fine. I want to know how you’re doing. I know you don’t have a lot of time to talk, so I want to hear how you’ve been.”

Dan nodded, though he still looked very concerned.

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“Ok. Please text me if you need anything though. Ok?”

“Ok. Now tell me how you’ve been.”

Dan tried his best to smile at Phil, earning a small smile in return. 

“Well, I’ve been busy. I’ve had a lot of meetings, not only for work but also for meeting up with friends.”

“Who’ve you talked to?”

“Anthony. I met Mikey. I hung out with Tyler a bit. I think that’s all though.”

Phil laughed a bit, feeling happy that Dan was having fun.

“I’m glad you were able to see them!”

“Ya, it’s been really nice.”

The conversation continued for almost an hour before Phil was half asleep on the couch, listening to Dan talk about what was discussed in business meetings. That was the point where Dan noticed how tired Phil was and told him to go get into bed. Of course, Phil complied but ended up falling asleep with Dan talking about future projects and business opportunities. Dan knew this was going to happen, so he smiled a bit before telling Phil he loved him and then hanging up. 

-

The next morning, Phil was more exhausted than he thought he was. He also felt absolutely miserable. The ache in his chest was worse than before and he felt like he could have a breakdown at any moment. He honestly wasn’t even sure that it was about Dan at this point. Though there was nothing else it could be about.

He just felt so… anxious. And stressed. He knew Dan could handle himself, so he wasn’t quite sure why he was feeling this way. Many other couples were in separate countries for, even months at a time, so why was this so difficult for him? Dan seemed fine. And he was always needier that Phil was.

Rubbing his face, Phil pulled the covers back over himself. He wanted to hide away from the world at this point. Do nothing until Dan got home. In his mind, he knew that wasn’t realistic, but then again, nobody was stopping him. So that’s what he tried to do. It was only around eleven in the morning, and he had nothing scheduled for that day, so why not?

The covers were much too cold without Dan there, but Phil was trying not to think about that. He felt the tears start to fill his eyes though, and at this point, there was no use stopping them. He let them run down his face, occasionally taking a small gasp for air and trying to wipe the wetness from his face. His body was shaking a bit, most likely from the cold though. Phil pulled the covers closer to him and closed his eyes, letting out small sobs as he cried. 

He didn’t understand why he was being so pathetic.

Another round of tears filled his eyes, but he tried his best to push them back. He totally relaxed his body and just let himself fall back to sleep. He didn’t want to deal with anything anymore.

-

Hours later, Phil woke up, hearing a knock on the bedroom door. At first, he was terrified, not knowing who would be there, but instantly calmed down when Dan walked into the room.

“Phil? Hey… shhh.”

He had started crying again. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but whatever it was, it was making him emotional as fuck.

“Wh- what are you doing here? Don’t you have more to do in LA?”

Dan smiled a bit as he sat on the bed and brought Phil closer to him.

“No, no. I rescheduled things so that I would be able to come home today.”

“Wh- why though?”

“As soon as I realized you weren’t doing well, I wanted to be back with you. And luckily that was able to happen.”

“Oh… thank you. I’m sorry though.”

Dan frowned.

“Don’t be sorry. I love you, and I know you’d do the same for me.”

Phil smiled, wiping more tears off of his face, and leaned in to kiss Dan like he had been wanting to for the past few days. It was a wet kiss, as Phil had been crying, but perfect all the same.

“I love you, Bear. Thank you.”

Dan smiled, brushing a piece of Phil’s messy hair out of his face.

“Of course. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be posted before Dan returned from LA, so sorry it's a bit late. I worked really hard on it though, so I hope you all enjoy it!


End file.
